Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Awful Truth

I was married for 17 years to someone I first met when I was about 12 years old. We were just friends until college, then we started going out and got married about a year and a half later, when we were both only 20. Stupid mistake to get married that young, but that's another story.

She divorced me in 1993, and I have basically been alone ever since. I didn't want the divorce, not because we had a wonderful marriage by any means, but we had two young children at the time and I wanted to get counseling and work things out for their sake as well as ours. She refused.

Since the divorce, I cannot tell you how many times I had a promising relationship fizzle out for no good reason and with no explanation. Women who seemed genuinely interested in me would just stop returning my phone calls and my e-mails. After 12 years of this, I realized I had been placed under surveillance and someone was sabotaging my relationships behind my back. I have always thought it was the FBI or the CIA, because I used to be a newspaper reporter and I have written a number of articles in which I criticized those corrupt agences for complicity in the JFK assassination and other treasonous activities.

In looking back on our divorce and the things that happened to me after that, I started to think that maybe my wife was co-opted at that point. I thought maybe she was forced to cooperate in the evil scheme to ruin my life, even though she didn't want to. But then I realized, it's possible that she was more than happy to cooperate. And maybe it didn't start in 1993. Maybe it all started back in 1974 when we were still in college, or even before that.

Back in 1974, the FBI and the CIA were both in the business of spying on law-abiding American citizens like me for something as innocuous as participating in a demonstration. So I was probably under surveillance as early as 1973, if not sooner. But for sure by the fall of 1974, when I went to a presentation on the JFK assassination at the University of Michigan, which was still a hotbed of campus unrest at that time.

I really couldn't believe my own government would lie to me about the murder of my president, so I started checking out books from the library and writing papers about it for my history classes. That could have made my name pop up on the radar screen. A lot of professors and students were government informants back in those days.

On New Year's Eve of 1974, I was invited to a party and my future wife was there. One thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, we were in love. Or at least I was in love with her. It was like a dream come true for me, but looking back on it, maybe it wasn't just luck. Maybe it was designed to happen that way.

Pretty soon, we were writing to each other, talking on the phone and visiting each other, and she suggested that we live together that summer. I was thrilled, because I wanted that, too. I was really in love with her back then.

The following year, 1976, she suggested that we get married. I went along with the idea, even though I had some reservations about her by that time. But I was afraid that I would never find anyone else if I didn't marry her. I was probably right about that, not because nobody would want me, but because my life had already become a covert operation by then.

Our marriage had its ups and downs, and at the time, I didn't suspect anything too diabolical was going on. But in looking back on it, there was a weird pattern of her initiating contact with my former girlfriends. We would get together, and sometimes she would even leave me alone with someone she knew I had been interested in or involved with before. It was like she WANTED something to happen between us, maybe so she could have an excuse to leave me.

The clincher for me was last fall when I told her that I suspected my life had been sabotaged for a long, long time. You should have seen the look on her face. She looked like the cat that ate the canary. I have never seen anyone look so guilty in all my life.

Getting back to the divorce, I resolved to make the best of the situation and I was actually kind of excited about finding someone new. But in addition to the phenomenon I mentioned earlier, I started having encounters with women that seemed to be designed to humiliate me and cause me emotional distress.

I started going out to bars and clubs and concerts a lot -- anywhere I thought I could meet someone interesting. And I would wait for a sign from someone I was interested in before I would approach her. If she looked at me and smiled, I would walk up and say hello. Well, sometimes these women would let me waste half the night talking to them, but then they would refuse to see me again. Other times, when I approached, they would look shocked and offended that I tried to start a conversation with them, even though they had made a number of overtures specifically and blatantly designed to make me think they were interested.

It took me a long time to figure out that a lot of these women were agents. Their assignment was either to distract me and prevent me from meeting someone who was sincere, or to humiliate me and try to undermine my confidence. In addition to all this relationship heartache, during the past year I have also become a target of electronic surveillance, gang stalking and electronic harassment involving psychotronic weapons. I feel it's all part of the long-term plan to ruin my life.

My father did not show me affection or offer me praise when I was a kid, even though I was a good student and a good athlete and an all-around good kid. One time I fell out of a tree when I was watching him play tennis, and instead of comforting me, he yelled at me. I was already hurt and scared, so that was not an appropriate response from a loving father to a boy. Sometimes I wonder if he sold me out to the government.

In addition to my wife, I have been betrayed by a number of close friends in the past few years. But the part that is hardest for me to understand is my ex-wife's actions. Why in the world would she give up her own life and her own chance at happiness, just to ruin mine? The only explanation I can come up with is that I was identified at a young age, maybe even since birth, as someone who was a threat to some government agenda.

Since my ex-wife and most of my so-called "friends" were Catholics, I think it's possible that they were recruited by the Jesuits. Her father was a Marine who fought in World War II, and he was also a member of the Knights of Columbus. Her mom worked at the Pentagon during World War II, to there could be a military intelligence connection there. At any rate, the CIA, FBI and all the intelligence agencies in the world are controlled by the Jesuit General, so regardless of which agency has been involved, it was the Jesuits' agenda they were promoting.

I cannot emphasize enough the devastating impact this has had on my life. I think whoever is doing this to me knows that romantic love is what I want more than anything else in this world. That's why they chose this aspect of my life to concentrate on with their psychological warfare.

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